october- adversity

The word itself makes me defensive.We all know times of adversity, when it seems everything is against us, or a life challenge, suffering. Lately, my buttons have been pushed so much they are now stuck and broken. Which I suppose is a blessing because they can’t be pushed anymore. I surrendered to the provocation and accepted life’s challenge. No words of positive encouragement or new age quotes from Instagram actually sink in at times like this. The only thing that helps is to lock myself in my studio and create.

The moment I choose to paint, I open to creativity, and in that creativity is infinite possibilities. So it goes without saying that the energy of creativity is expansive. The energy of adversity, well… quite constricting. However, I had a beautiful revelation today while painting, and contemplating a conversation I had earlier with a dear, button-pushing friend. The conversation illuminated some of the less becoming personality traits that my current stress is bringing out; in other words, my defensiveness, anger, distrust and insecurity. Not cute, to say the least, yet obviously in me. As I saw these aspects of myself, I did some further investigating. It’s obvious where they came from, as I could easily justify them, yet I still really did not like them or feel good about them. So I decided to look at them as new material to create with. I frequently have constrictions when I do a commission. Someone wants specific colors or something they saw before, etc. Which can be very limiting, yet I look at the challenge and accept the limited materials because it forces me to be even more creative. The limited ingredients demand creativity to rise to a new level to overcome limitation or adversity. And that is the magic of creativity. No matter what, with creativity- possibility prevails.

So as I looked at these unbecoming traits, I began to see new ingredients for my life. I can use the defensiveness as wisdom to set healthy boundaries. The anger can be motivation for change. The distrust may actually be my intuition asking to be acknowledged. The insecurity is my ego letting go of what it thinks it knows and leaving me in a beautiful state of vulnerability. I say beautiful vulnerability because vulnerability is my bare truth. It shines like a beacon through the fog. So in taking my new ingredients and creating today, I found a truth within myself that I was previously unaware of and a desire I had not considered. Creativity has the power to illuminate adversity for what it truly is… a magnifying mirror to know the self even better. In knowing these new ingredients, I have even more material to work with. What felt limiting, not to mention embarrassing, has now revealed even more possibilities.

The adversity and stress I felt are still there, that’s the reality of my life at the moment, yet the opportunities I can see are growing. The solutions to the problem are looking more abundant. And best of all, the truth that was underneath the fog is beaming brightly.

 

Creatively, Britten

 

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