february- risk

I find myself teetering on the edge of reason this month. My thoughts have been perpetually challenged to follow my heart and intuition, leaving me blissfully foolish and creative. My work is evolving from what I might have once considered mistakes, into something fresh and dynamic. I can feel myself holding on to the way I used to do things for security, yet begging myself to let go at the same time. As I watch new paintings arise, I see the push and pull of a new expression wanting to be seen. My mind weighing the risk… Do what I know looks beautiful verses potentially ruining a piece. Funny thing is, I really don’t have a choice because change has already gained its momentum.

My life feels this change on every level. My perspective is shifting, thus my sight and senses are experiencing the world slightly differently. The shift is internal, from my heart. Radiating through every cell, causing my silly brain to try and figure out something far beyond its knowledge. This shift is irrational. This shift is a risk to follow, yet more of a risk to deny. To deny it would be like running against the wind, exhausting, especially since I’ve already felt the wind at my back pushing me forward. So once again, I find myself trusting the wind, knowing it could easily blow me over a cliff.

Yes, it’s worth it. The cliff of “failure” is just a perspective… am I really at the bottom of the cliff or just in a new place? Creativity requires risk. Creativity doesn’t discern; it doesn’t know failure or success, good or bad. It only knows change. To embrace creativity fully means releasing judgment or comparison, and seeing change through totally fresh eyes. This vulnerability is the risk.

To live creatively, or better yet, to actually become creativity in its essence, merging with its boundless potential, is irresistible to me. This feeling fuels me, ignites my passion… and the risk goes up in flames; it’s ashes becoming my next creation.