There is something intriguing about mystery and the unknown. In art, it draws us in to take a deeper look. Like a vortex, the mystery in a painting can be all-consuming and I often can’t walk away until I have fully experienced it or tried to understand it. A mysterious painting is both intimidating and humbling. It tends to ask all the right questions, bringing up subconscious thoughts, if it is allowed. It exposes a realm of possibility that may not otherwise be seen. As an artist, seeing my own mystery and confronting the unknown aspects of my life though painting, is fascinating. Scary is not a word I particularly like, yet often Scary is a doorway to bliss, so I have learned to appreciate Scary. I can say, I have a relationship with Scary. Scary and I work together for a greater purpose.
I still want to run from uncertainty at times. I still find myself clinging to what I had expected or thought I wanted, thus not liking whatever circumstance does not agree with the original idea. Seeing the illusion of security for what it really is- illusion, is the tipping point. Nothing is stationary in life as it is constantly moving forward. In moments of uncertainty, I have learned to let go and picture the blank canvas in front of me. There is always a blank canvas hidden in every defining moment. In addition, there is every material I could possibly want to create with, if I actually open my eyes. I mean actually open my eyes to what cannot be seen. I simply allow my imagination to wander and pick up whatever it wants. Then I take inventory of the materials collected and start to create. Committing to action or making the first brushstroke is exhilarating and often scary. It is a leap of faith or trust in myself. There is no certainty as to what will be created, and really no way to predict an outcome. It is the unknown moving into a space where it can become known. Like starting a relationship, I get to know the unknown. The unknown or Scary becomes more and more tangible and friendly as it is accepted and worked with. The process evolves exactly as it is supposed to as I begin to trust Scary
In painting as in life, I remind myself that true creativity is not about being fearless. It is actually about working with fear as a partner. As I look at some recent events in my life, I see that Scary is walking with me, leading me to a greater place. Scary is actually holding my hand for a reason. Scary is inviting me into the beautiful mystery of life.