march – shoveling
It’s been a while since I have written a palette. Knowing the storm that has been present inside and out, I am not surprised. Winter has been aggressive this year. I dare say… winter has been a bully this year. I hadn’t noticed the relentless pushing and poking until I surrendered to it and listened to its cry for attention. I blame winter, yet I know very well, the storm within me was my own doing. At this point, I am grateful for the contagious energy of upheaval and fleecing winter has brought me. By allowing it to infiltrate my life, change is sweeping through, cleaning and clearing areas I had neglected. Instead of holding on for dear life as the storms raged, I finally let go and allowed a storm to sweep me away. From the eye of the storm or the center of myself, I see the upheaval and detachment was necessary. The opportunity for something better was just under the clutter that was flying in disarray and being unrecognizably disguised in white. Embracing the chaos and anonymity, I let go of many material things, expired responsibilities, and things that were unknowingly weighing me down. I reprioritized and simplified. I sold, changed, or gave away, my house, studio, furniture, clothes, and old patterns of behavior. I am discovering what has been waiting under the debris. Today, I woke with a deep internal smile as the wind roared to welcome a clear blue sky.
It was a lot of work, a lot of cleaning up, and a lot of self-inquiry. Worth it. To know I am not the life around me, to know I am independent of circumstance, is the spring rainbow. I can soar with the storms of destruction, and build with rays of sunlight. Sounds kitschy new-age, yet no joke. Many people experience complete devastation that is totally out of control; others are lucky enough to walk through life relatively unscathed, either way we can learn. I learn when I see the opportunity. Sometimes I run first; fear gets the best of me, yet as I get older, I seem to surrender more and more. In that surrender, the patterns are broken, what I thought I knew, given up. Humility and authenticity can then breathe freely, without the boundaries of preconceived ideas … and from each free breath is pure potential, the possibility for creation.
I talk a lot about creativity because, to me, it is life’s biggest marvel. It never gets old, always recreating itself. As an artist and just a person, I inevitably come back to creativity being Me. The real Me, is nothing and everything at the same time. The real me is pure creativity, always ready to create and be created. The creations, like paintings and material things, come and go… yet the creativity is always present. I thank winter for making me shovel, clean up my life, lighten my load…
and giving my creativity air to breathe freely.